They say in friendship, once you’ve passed the seven year mark, that friendship will last FOREVER.
Seven letters, three syllable word, hoped by some, condemned by many.
A simple word which is trending nowadays especially by Filipinos with the phrase, “WALANG FOREVER!” (there’s no forever).
Bitter it may seem but a lot would agree especially those who have shattered hopes from the promises of forever.
Recently, I have ended an eight-year long friendship I have with my so-called best friend. Going back to my first statement, who did invent this saying anyway?
So as I was saying, my best friend suddenly decided not to give a damn ’bout my existence. Just like that. She got fed up reaching out to me when she needed someone to talk to. For a couple of months I’ve been so hard to communicate with especially through text or chat for I have no time, rather I refuse to make time (not only to her, but with everyone who’s trying to reach me) ‘coz I am too preoccupied by the exhaustion and stress from work and my regular episodes of sadness. I just don’t feel like talking with anyone for quite some time because I am running out of thoughts to say. As if am avoiding contagious disappointments over my unexplainable emotional distress. I tend to spend time alone, doing some boring art stuff which eases my mind for a while.
Art has been my outlet for overflowing thoughts and unspoken feelings and emotions. Despite of my pending backlogs and demands for social interactions, I’d spend most of my time after work in my room, holding my pens, writing or drawing random stuffs, ignoring everything around me including my responsibilities and social life (when I mean social life, this also includes my family, yeah). And this my friends, has caused me my eight-year relationship with my bestfriend.
We used to talk almost every time, about anything, including our problems, dreams, frustrations and even the lives of other people God knows who. We’re so attached that we need each other to vent out the baggages we have in our own personal lives. And the last time she’s badly needing my attention, I’m distant battling my own demons. It’s hard to point fingers whether who’s to blame. Was it I not giving her the attention that she needs when she needed it the most or, her whom after years of friendship, refuses to understand that am simply at a point where I have to deal with my stress and emotional episode for some time alone. Well, I simply took the blame and as a person that I am, I tried persuading her and patiently wait for her to talk to me. A couple of arguments on a few minutes of conversation and I’ve read the most hurtful words I never imagined receiving from someone whom I considered more than just a friend in my life. Those were not cursing or hateful words, but unacceptable false statements which she made herself believe towards her perspective on my friendship with her. And it breaks my heart, BIG TIME! Just like a slap on the face which I definitely don’t deserve. The last thing she said was that she suddenly felt not giving a damn about me and that’s how I decided to slip away. Doing my usual thing of detaching myself from the things/people that pierces me to bits.
Every heartbreak I get reminds me of the first one. Making me think, is the person I am right now, not enough to make the people I cared the most stay in my life? Was I that so difficult to handle for them to simply give up on me? And I just accepted these things with no further explanations making me pistanthrophobic and detached to anyone who tries to come near.
I’ve lost him. I’ve lost her. So who’s next?